Regarding the Oneness in God
 
Kim is sharing a deeply immersive mystical experience of direct union with God, prior to and beyond ordinary human identity, time, and creation. The account is a single, cohesive narrative centered on divine unity, love, and the origin of existence.

The core of these realizations is God as the uncreated, uncaused First Cause — a reality that exists before all creation, identity and form. Kim equates this First Cause with absolute love, not merely as an attribute of God but as God’s essential nature. This divine state precedes selfhood, matter, time and even the concept of being a separate individual.

People sometimes ask me to describe what happened.

The difficulty is that what occurred was not an experience added to a life. It was the disappearance of the life I thought was mine. It began with Christ. Not with theology. Not with doctrine. With Christ.

There came an illumination of conscience so complete that everything hidden was revealed in the light of love. Not condemnation. Not judgment. Love. What became clear was how often I had imagined myself separate—from God, from others, from creation itself. Yet beneath every movement of separation was a love that had never departed.

At first there remained the sense of lover and beloved. There was Christ, and there was the one loving Christ. There was God, and there was the one longing for God. There was communion. There was intimacy. There was adoration. But as the movement deepened, even lover and beloved disappeared. The one who loved vanished. The one being loved vanished.           

Not God. Only the distinction. The longing that had carried me dissolved into what it had always been seeking. Then all awareness of myself disappeared. Not my thoughts. Not my personality. Myself. There was no awareness of being a woman. No awareness of being a body. No awareness of having a history. No awareness of having a name. No awareness of being a separate center of experience.

There was no one there to think about what was happening. No one there to call it spiritual. No one there to call it God. There was only the uncreated. Only the uncaused. Only the First Cause. Only God.

To this day, the closest phrase I have found is the womb of God. Not a place. Not a realm. Not somewhere one enters. The prior reality from which all things arise. The reality before creation. Before identity. Before thought. Before subject and object. Before existence appears as separate things. There was no awareness of time there. No awareness of duration. No awareness of whether a moment or an eternity was passing.

There was only what was. Then creation began to appear. Not as separate objects. Not as a world standing apart. Creation appeared within the womb of God. The way a song appears within silence. The way a wave appears within the sea. The way light appears within the sun. Trees appeared. Sky appeared. Living things appeared.

Yet there was still no one there naming them. No one saying, “That is a tree.” No one saying, “That is the sky.” No one saying, “I am looking at creation.” There was no observer standing apart from what appeared. Everything was one movement. One life. One reality. The tree was not separate. The bird was not separate. The wind was not separate. And there was no one there thinking, “I am one with everything.” There was no one there to think it. There was only what was.

This remained for a long time. Years. Life continued, yet the ordinary sense of being a separate self did not return. Most of the time there was simply being. Speech became minimal because there was scarcely anyone present who felt the need to speak.

Much time was spent in nature because there was no distinction between nature and No distinction between myself and others. No distinction between myself and life. Everything appeared fluid. Everything appeared transparent. Everything appeared within the same reality.

Then one day, something began to emerge. Not suddenly. Not dramatically. There was simply the noticing that something was holding something. No names. No concepts. No interpretation. Only that. Something holding something.

Later it became recognizable as a hand holding a blade of grass. Later came the awareness of a body. Later came the remembrance that there was a human life here. I remember saying, almost with surprise, “Oh. I am here as a human being. A woman.” Yet even then the boundaries had not returned. The world still appeared without division.

Meeting another person did not feel like one self-encountering another self. There was no subject and object. No inside and outside. No clear line where one ended and another began. Everything remained fluid. Everything remained within love.

Then another movement began. Christ brought upon my heart the suffering of humanity and creation. Not as an idea. Not as information. As direct participation. For a week there was weeping unlike anything I had known. Not personal grief. Not private sorrow. A grief that seemed to belong to all things. The suffering of humanity. The suffering of creation. The suffering carried through time.

At the end of that week Christ drew me into His crucifixion. First through the eyes of one who loved Him and longed to reach Him. Then through the eyes of those participating in His crucifixion. Then through the experience of humanity itself. Then from within Him. Not watching. Not imagining. Not reflecting. Gone again. No self. Only His experience. Only His love. Only His offering. Only His surrender.

And what became unmistakably clear was that the crucifixion was not about punishment. It was not about wrath. It was not about abandonment. It was love. Absolute love. Love entering completely into the suffering of creation. Love refusing separation. Love embracing all things. Love carrying all things. Love returning all things. Before the experience ended, everything was gathered back into the womb of God. All suffering. All history. All creation. All questions. All seeking. All becoming. Everything returned to the prior reality. Everything returned to the First Cause. Everything returned to Love.

When I found myself once more at the feet of Christ, there was only silence. The questions were gone. The philosophies were gone. The need to understand was gone. What remained was simple. All things come from You. Through You. And return to You. This is absolute love.

And even now, after all these years, that remains the deepest truth I know. The First Cause is Love. The uncreated is Love. The womb of God is Love. And Love is the only thing.