Oneness in God
What is being described is an extended, deeply immersive mystical experience that she understands as direct union with God, prior to and beyond ordinary human identity, time, and creation. The account blends Christian theology, metaphysical concepts, and personal spiritual revelation into a single, cohesive narrative centered on divine unity, love, and the origin of existence.
At the foundation of this understanding is the idea of God as the uncreated, uncaused First Cause—a reality that exists before all creation, identity, and form. The author equates this First Cause with absolute love, not merely as an attribute of God but as God’s essential nature. This divine state precedes selfhood, matter, time, and even the concept of being a separate individual.
Kim describes entering what she repeatedly calls the “womb of God.” This womb is not a physical place but a state of pre-creation fullness, containing all potential existence. Within it, there is no personal identity, no separation, no naming of things, and no subject-object distinction. She experiences total unity: everything that exists—trees, animals, stars, humans—is experienced as herself, yet without any sense of “I” or ego. There are only oneness, peace, silence, darkness, and stillness, gradually giving rise to water, light, and then creation itself.
Two years later, the author encountered the “Ancient of Days” (a biblical image of God) and Jesus Christ, both appearing as distinct forms yet understood as fully one and the same divine reality. The Ancient of Days appears to her as male and unmistakably God; Jesus appears as he was during his earthly life. Despite these different manifestations, Kim perceives them as a single unified divine presence. This reinforces that God, Christ, and the uncreated First Cause are not separate entities but different expressions of the same ultimate reality.
Following the “womb of God” experience, the author describes a separate but related mystical event in which Jesus brings her into the experience of the crucifixion. Rather than witnessing it as a historical past event, she experiences it as eternally present. She is made to experience the crucifixion from multiple perspectives: first as humanity participating in the act of crucifying through violence and cruelty toward one another, then as a devoted lover of Christ filled with grief and longing, and finally from within Christ himself.
From within Christ’s experience, she encounters immense suffering and sorrow, but simultaneously an indescribable depth of love and joy. At the very center of the crucifixion experience, she again is returned to the womb of God, the same pre-creation unity experienced before. Thus, arriving at a profound realization: all things originate in God, exist through God, and ultimately return to God.
Kim concludes that the crucifixion is not only an act of suffering but a cosmic event that restores creation to its divine source, bringing humanity back to the womb of God. This realization dissolves all philosophical inquiry for her.
Ultimately, her account is less about doctrine or belief and more about direct experiential knowing—an encounter she finds so profound that language itself becomes insufficient to contain it.